chipsI’m a chronic alcoholic who relapsed over and over. I had enough 1, 2 and 3 month sobriety chips to tile my bathroom. After every relapse and my sheepish return to AA, the first thing I’d hear was, “Are you done now?”

That question bothered me because I figured, yes I’m done or I wouldn’t be here, (at least for today anyway). The oldtimers would give me that look, as if to say, we’ll see. The fact is they were right, I wasn’t done until I was done (another saying that bothered me, but was true nonetheless). I had my foot, half in, half out. I was doing the hokey pokey with the rooms of AA.

Another thing someone said to me was “you’re using AA to control your drinking”. I was suitably pissed off at this remark and told them so. What the hell did they know? I was trying my hardest, obviously I was just more of an alcoholic than they were. I had it much worse than anyone would give me credit for (and I was totally self absorbed – but didn’t know it then).

When I look back on those days of doing the dance with AA, I realize just how sick I was (and still am). The difference is now I have some idea of what I am up against. Back then, I knew nothing of the disease of alcoholism and how I had a ‘broken thinker’.

Getting sober is hard, staying sober is harder. If you are in early recovery and have no idea what to expect, here are some more articles and information that you might find helpful – click here
Don't Let the Bastards Grind You Down


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