Suggestions For the Newcomer to Sobriety

Posted: November 12, 2008 in New to Sobriety
Tags: , , , , ,

Someone asked me the other day, if I could give just three suggestions to the newcomer, what would they be? I immediately responded that I could come up with more than three and started to name them until I was thankfully reigned in by my friend. My friend was kind enough to point out that I obviously hadn’t completely listened to the question and therefore my ego was answering for me (OK Yoda, I get it).
So just THREE things…

1. Go to one Twelve-Step meeting per day for the first 90 days of your sobriety.
2. Get a Sponsor to work with you.
3. Don’t become involved in a new intimate relationship in early sobriety -dating, sex, friends with privileges – whatever you want to call it – don’t do it! (at least for the first year)

Of course, I’m dying to say more than that, but there’s my three, if you’d like to read more suggestions for the first 30 days you can click here, otherwise I’d be interested to hear from other people with your three suggestions for the newcomer. (Yoda says “Do or do not… there is no try.”- which I took to mean that he’d like to hear from you too.)

  1. 4wrdthnkndad says:

    I might add that if 90 days seems daunting, remember it begins by focusing on following the above suggestions for 1 day. Actually for 1 minute, then maybe an hour, and then hopefully for a day.

  2. AsJimSeesIt says:

    Why would you suggest avoiding intimacy. Just curious. I’ve heard it so many times but no one can explain why.

    My 3 would have been:
    1) Don’t drink
    2) Work the steps
    3) Keep coming back

    • Georgia W. says:

      Thanks for the feedback. As far as the the suggestion to avoid intimacy, it was suggested to me by people who had a few years sober to avoid getting into a new relationship in early sobriety – not to avoid intimacy period. If a person is already in a relationship when they get sober and feels like getting intimate then go for it. The suggestion is not to get involved in a new intimate relationship because in early recovery, we need to concentrate on ourselves and our sobriety. New relationships are a lot of work, I for one, put more effort into my new amazing soul mate who I’d known for 5 minutes than my sobriety which I’d been trying to attain for 5 years. Of course, they are fun and exciting when they are working, but new relationships can also not work especially when newly sober people are involved. Our emotions are up and down at the best of times in early recovery and when a new relationship goes bad it leaves us to deal with feelings of hurt, anger and sadness. These feelings can be uncomfortable. Most alcoholics deal with ‘uncomfortable’ by drinking.

  3. AsJimSeesIt says:

    “Most alcoholics deal with ‘uncomfortable’ by drinking” EXACTLY! My sponsor led me to the understanding that feeling uncomfortable was MOST of the reason I drank.. I had to have a few BEFORE I got to the bar or party to avoid feeling that. And that now that I was sober my task was to confront feelings of discomfort, and find healthy ways of dealing with them

    And the message that we (unintentionally) give newcomers by telling them about our fantastic lives is that they can avoid feeling uncomfortable. It’s not true. Old-timers still feel uncomfortable, but they learned new tools to work through it. What we SHOULD do is teach them to break down that feeling into it’s parts — inadequacy, fear, uncertainty — and deal with each individually.

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