Restless, Irritable and Discontent

Posted: November 17, 2008 in Recovery Rants
Tags: , , , , ,

miserable_cat My thoughts are on a constant merry-go-round at the moment, over and over, just like a hamster  spinning in it’s wheel. I’m worrying about the future, I’m over thinking the past, I feel restless and  irritable. I haven’t been to a meeting in over a week, I haven’t talked very much with another  alcoholic, Instead, I’ve been inside my own head, full of self-pity and alone with my disease.

 My Sponsor once told me that no matter how new I was to sobriety, even a couple of days or a week – no matter how bad I felt, chances are there was someone in the rooms of recovery who was worse off than me. (At first I didn’t want to hear it because as far as I was concerned no one had it like I did.) Thankfully that idea was squashed when I followed the suggestion of my Sponsor and went up to a person at a meeting I attended who had just got their 24 hour chip. I only had a week sober, but it was six days more than this person had and I was able to talk to them about what I’d been doing in the last few days. I even offered to meet them the next day at the meeting so we could sit together. The woman smiled briefly and said ok, then she went on to say how nervous she was because she didn’t know anyone, I told her that I felt the same way too and we could be nervous together. I gave her my number and took hers too and the next day I called my new friend to make sure she’d be there.

I walked away feeling like I may of actually made a little difference in that persons day and for a few minutes I had completely forgotten about myself (which turns out to be a really good thing). This stuff actually worked and I found out that a sure fire way of getting off the pity pot is to be of service to another recovering alcoholic or addict. No matter how small that service might be, it can make all the difference to someone who is just as scared and lonely as we are.

The only trouble with all this is, I have a short memory and when I’m knee deep in my own shit, it’s really hard to want to step in someone else’s. Even though, time and time again, this is something that’s been suggested to me, it’s still a stumbling block until I actually get up and do something about it. The good news is that when I do get off my ass – the blue mood is miraculously lifted, even if it’s for a brief moment.

Yep, I think it’s about time to get off my ass and go to a meeting.

  1. sam says:

    my sponsor has just recently SUGGESTED (ok told me to..) share in a mtg that i am available to sponsor someone – can’t help thinking there will be a long pause followed by hoots of laughter. Anyway I know thats just my low self worth and I really have to work at putting myself out there to help others – just like so many women did for me

  2. Hope says:

    To keep it we have to give it away……

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