Wait…I’m supposed to trust my Higher Power with EVERYTHING?

Posted: January 12, 2009 in Twelve Step Programs
Tags: , , , , , ,

tantrum1 Working with my sponsee, who has almost 70 days sober, I’m reminded of how frustrating early sobriety can be. Things were going along fine; we were working on the Third Step, when out of the blue she  received a letter from a family member that got her all twisted up.   We talked about the contents of the letter  at length and I suggested that she leave it alone until she was in a better place to deal with it as this type of thing can be addressed in the 4th Step, which we would get to before long.

She agreed and told me that she would be able to leave the issue alone until the time was right. Her disease, however had a different idea and started attacking her with obsessive thoughts and anger.  She couldn’t understand why she was unable to stop thinking about it. Unfortunately, as alcoholics, that’s what we do,  we take something and run with, if we do not get the results we want, or if people do not behave in a manner that suits us, resentment rears its ugly head and our minds are off to the races.  

It’s hard at first, trying to understand that we can’t control another person, we can’t make them feel a certain way towards us, we can’t make them do what we want and it’s drives us nuts. It’s made harder when people suggest that  we keep working the Step we are on and trust in a Higher Power to get us through the tough times. It’s not easy, especially in early recovery, we get hurt and we want to retaliate, we want to have our say and fix it! We don’t want to trust God to take care of it because we want it done our way and preferably NOW, in our time, not God’s time.

I learned the hard way that I have to trust God with everything, I don’t get to pick and choose, turning over bits of my life but keeping hold of my self-will in other areas –  there can be no half measures in my recovery, God is either everything or God is nothing.  My sponsee is stuck,  she can’t concentrate, she’s not reading the big book, she’s not calling me and she’s cancelling our meetings.

I’ve turned this situation over to my Higher Power, now if only I could get my Sponsee to do the same… (She has to do what I want dammit!)

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