glassLast night I had a dream that I was drinking vodka. I haven’t had a drinking dream in a long time and I forgot just how disturbing and unnerving they are. It’s been a little while since I physically drank  but that didn’t make a difference because subconscious drinking can seem very very real, in fact I actually had to second guess myself when I woke up.  I felt as though I had a hangover and my mind was fuzzy trying to remember what had happened before I went to bed. 

It only took a minute before I was able to piece my night of ‘debauchery’ together and thankfully it included a cup of sleepytime tea and some late night reading, but that was about it. It’s amazing how fast that feeling of gut wrenching dread can return because in that moment between thinking I had drank and  figuring out that I hadn’t, I was in a complete panic. What a relief that it was just a dream.

If you are new in recovery, just remember that it’s not uncommon to have these dreams of drinking or using, and while they are a stark reminder of what are lives used to be like, they are also a reminder that we are not like that anymore. Sobriety is a gift and having these dreams once in a while might scare the hell out of us, but they also can serve as a glimpse of the nightmare that we no longer have to live in.

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