Living Life on Life’s Terms

Posted: May 8, 2009 in Keep It Simple
Tags: , , , ,

life on life's termsNow and again when I’m going about my daily business, I’ll get a reminder of what this saying means to me. In early sobriety it didn’t mean shit because, well nothing did – I was lucky if I knew what day it was. As I stayed sober a while I realized that it meant dealing with the ups and downs of life on a daily basis -without reaching for the bottle or a quick fix.

You see, a lot of us alcoholics and addicts have hid ourselves away or avoided normal “life stuff” for so long that we don’t know what normal is.  So how do regular people or ‘normies’ (non-alcoholic/addict folk) cope with life on a daily basis? Well, the majority of them just get on with it.

Well, I’m definitely not a ‘normie’ and my first instinct was to reach for the bottle if I got the slightest hint of a curve ball heading my way, I told myself life was unbearable no matter what was going on and the only way to deal with it was to drink it away. It didn’t matter if it was problems at work, relationship difficulties, money problems, I felt  ill equipped to handle these situations sober. Why was it so difficult? I guess I just wanted everything my way, the easier the better and when things went well, I’d celebrate and when things didn’t, I’d commiserate. Before I got sober, every task had a drink at the end of it and I’d rush through my day to get to it, half heartedly talking to people, as little interaction as possible because my eye was always on the prize. Unfortunatley the prize usually consisted of me sitting alone, hammered and numb – oblivious to anything other than my addiction. 

Today my life is vastly different; I can handle situations now that would have sunk my sobriety before because I know that I’m not running the show and whatever the universe deems necessary to send my way will get dealt with as it’s meant to. As long as I don’t drink today, do the next right things and show up to life on a daily basis, then I’m doing my best to live life on life’s terms and not on my terms. Sometimes, it’s as simple as paying a bill that I’ve been putting off or going to the dentist like I did today. Today I’m numb because the dentist made me that way, not because I sunk a bottle this afternoon. Back when I was drinking, going to the dentist was the last thing on my mind, who could be bothered with that boring shit? My motto tended to be, ‘If they don’t serve booze there, I have no business being there’.

Being sober has changed so many things, I do regular life stuff, I pay my bills, I go to work, I see the doctor and the dentist for annual check-ups and I don’t consider myself to be boring, I consider myself responsible. And sitting here writing this post with drool running down my face because the anesthetic is wearing off, I’m reminded that I might have spent a bunch of money at the dentist, my mouth hurts like a bastard and yes I’m having trouble holding in bodily fluids, but I realize that everyday can’t be a banner day and that’s what living life on life’s terms is all about.

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Comments
  1. esther gibson says:

    thank this site really helped me out

  2. Beth G says:

    Thank you, I needed this today.

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